Emotional Trauma From Television Shows.

I'm experiencing trauma at the hands of a television show.

Seriously, why? Of all things, why is it a TELEVISION SHOW makes me want to cry.

In case you're wondering, it's Doctor Who.

Yeah, I just saw Doomsday.

I've been watching DT for about.. Um.. About a year now, but I seriously procrastinate watching it. 

So it's taken me this long.

Plus, I didn't want to face the inevitable tears.

One thing about being surrounded by other Whovians, is that you know what's coming. 

So you wait.

And then you weep.

Slow, sad, miserable tears...

I try writing on my books to get my mind off of it.

I try reading other books to get my mind off of it.

Nothing works. The only thing I can really do is keep watching, and I keep having to confront the sadness.

WHY. 

Introducing Scrags McCarmich

Scrags McCarmich struggled against the snow. 


His tiny paws were so numb from the cold, he couldn't get a proper grip on any of the 

trees. 


The fury in his eyes was enough to make any squirrel stay warm through the blizzard. 

Booted out of his very own home by the dubious Judge Wills, the one who stole away his 

love. 


Ah Tissie, just the thought of her brought a tear to his eyes. 


"I'll find you, m' Love. I promise." He whispered against the wind, gritting his teeth.


None of the other squirrels would accept him into their homes against the cold. His fur 

would normally be 

enough, but he'd been wandering for hours. The snow was matted in his course coat, and 

the closer it got to  his body the more it melted.

Scrags looked heavenwards and sent out a small prayer.


Then, as if his prayer had been answered that quickly, he spied something.


A small mound in the snow, but as he got closer, he saw a tunnel.


He got down on his paws and crawled inside. 


It was a tiny little igloo, with a small bed carved out of the packed snow. There was a 

generous pile of seeds in the corner on another carving, he took to be a table. 

It was just for him, he knew it. God had sent him a home. 


He would wait out the storm, and when it was over... He would find Tissie. 


And then, Revenge.


................................................................


So yeah, I made a tiny squirrel igloo yesterday. 

What did *you* do?

Picnik Tables.

Eh.
That's pretty much my life right now. Just... Eh.
I've been writing, a ton. Don't worry, my stories and poems are SO much better than my blog.
Mostly for the reason that my blog is about my life, and my life is boring.
The most exciting parts of my life is when it's following someone else's.
Reading books, watching tv shows... Those are some of the most interesting parts right now.
Mostly I'm just lonely.
Usually it's just me with my computer, my pencils, and my books... That's all I really have, when I'm not home.
When I am home, I get to see my friends, and hang out with my mum. But somehow.. It's still. Lonely.
I miss my brothers. I miss my dad...  But at the same time, I don't.
I don't miss.. This version of my dad. I miss my old dad.
The dad that would take me off to just go hang out, just the two of us.
We never did anything important, just.. Small things.
One of our favorite things to do was to go to the nice walk around park, with the giant pond lake thing in the middle, and we would bring our old bread. Or we'd buy some really cheap bread at the store.
And we'd feed the ducks.
When I was little, I was so scared of them. I always put on a brave front, pretending I wasn't, but when they realized I had food, they would all start coming at me and honking at me! There were geese too, not just ducks. And then I would get frightened, and jump up onto one of the picnic tables.
From up there, I could... Be safe. Feed them from a distance, and from up there... I could see them so much clearer.
I saw the bullies, the ones that wouldn't let the others eat anything, and used their size for dominance.
I hated those.
Then there were the timid ones around the edge, they were always too scared to come in close because the bigger ones would hurt them.
Then.. There was always ONE. One that would always be my favorite. One that would come RIGHT under the picnic table, where none of the others were, and just wait for me to poke the pieces of bread through the slots in the wiring of the table.
So smart, so sly little goose!
Now... I can't help but wonder.
Where's my picnic table?
Where do I go to see things clearer? To not get hurt? To understand what's going on with all the things around me?
Where do I go where it's safe... And I can figure things out.
But worse of all, what if what I see isn't what I want to?
What if I realize that I am treating dad wrong...
What if I see my worst fears confirmed..
That it is my fault.
The things I saw, and didn't tell anyone else about.
My brain is blocking them out, but subtle, subtle memories come in, every now and then..
I can't place them correctly on the time line, but I am almost POSITIVE... That I do know when they were.
And that just tells me how much I've let everyone else down...
And how much I've let myself down by doing so.

~The Moneky

Ramblings on Good and Evil. Sort of.

Just a moment.

Just one, to appreciate something here...  

Loki.

Darth Vader.

Zuko.

All from completely different fandoms, and not even the same type of character, but they ALL have something in common...

Let's just take a moment to look at each one.

Now, I'm talking the Avengers Loki, not the real mythological Loki, because that Loki wasn't really *that* bad of a guy.. Right? ;) 

But anyways, back on topic.

His dad lied to him. He was never good enough. When he found out the truth, he pretty much crumbled into another person. Not only, was he angry, but the knowledge that he was part Frostgiant, was more of an excuse. An excuse to his aching heart to act out. An excuse to his breaking heart to get revenge. 

This is a man fraught with grief. Despair.

Darth Vader... Anakin Skywalker. Why did he turn? He was never trusted to do important things. Even though we know that Obi Wann was just trying to protect him, he didn't see things that way. He had this voice whispering in his ear.. Temptation. He could save the one he loved. Heartbroken...

Zuko... Never good enough. Never living up to his fathers expectations. Rage filling him because of his mothers absence... A sister that exceeded him in every possible way, and constantly throw it into his face. But not only that, he was brought up in an entire nation of evil! 

Looking at all of these characters... They're my favorites. Out of all these fandoms, they're the ones I look to as the best.

Because they've felt more than the rest. They understand hate, greed, anger, and pain, more than anyone else..

And maybe it's because I can relate with them. All three. Just a little bit.

I went through a period in my life where I would have done anything to make it stop. Everything. The pain. The sadness. The heart beating in my chest.

I would have given anything to make it stop.

And I look at them, and I see they just gave up the struggle.

The struggle between good and evil.. 

Zuko turned good. Darth Vader had a moment, right before death, where he did.. Just a little. Where will Loki end up? You notice that he loves his brother, and spares him on several occasions.

It's just another thing to show us: 

The best of the good can always turn bad.

The worst of the evil can always turn good.

No matter how evil, evil is not complete there.

No matter how good, good is not complete there.

And I guess that's all I really had to say...

~The Monkey

Rambling I Guess.

I'm just confused a little.

So the fonts and sizes on this thing are CRAY.
Anyways, back to what I *meant* to write about.
Life's being pretty interesting to me right now. Like, it's actually super boring, but it's one of those boring spots where you're doing more soul searching by yourself than hanging out with people, or actually *doing* things.
My daily schedule for the past two months pretty much changes with where I am, so I'll lay them out for you, both of them.
Kansas City: When I'm in KC, this is pretty much my normal week day.
9:00 to 11:00 am- Wake up. Lay in bed for a few minutes, answer texts, think about all the reasons I need to get up, finally get up and get dressed.
After that: Pee. I have to pee EVERY MORNING. Pretty much no matter what. I'm not sure, is that normal? Is it just a female thing? Or is it just me? Then stalk into the kitchen, look around for something to eat. Either A: Skip breakfast. Or B: Eat something along the lines of cereal or bacon. I'm really bad when it comes to breakfast, okay? I know, it's horrible. You're supposed to eat a big healthy and well balanced breakfast every day, blah blah blah.
 I DO WHAT I WANT! *sticks arms and head out of sun roof of the limo*
Usually around 12:00 or 1:00 pm: Finally force myself to do school, starting with math. Read the lesson. Do my problems. Doodle in the side margin. Text random questions to ChaCha. Text my friend Shaleah. Finally finish all of my problems. Check my problems to make sure I did them right. Get upset when the book makes no sense about what I did wrong. Get upset when I have to give myself a C. C is my current average. That SUCKS. 
Do you know how it feels to have to give *yourself* a bad grade? Most of you just get to be mad at your teacher and think they weren't being fair..
2:00 pm-ish: Work on one of the three stories I've been writing. Maybe just write a rant. Whatever floats my boat, really.
3:00 pm: Go for a walk/run. Pretty much a fast paced walk where I run across all of the roads. That's actually pretty much a quarter of my entire walk (which is a mile, give or take), so it's not bad. I'm just doing it fartlick style until I can actually run. 
3:20 pm:Cook some sort of lunch type food. Usually pasta. Or a sandwich. Maybe a tv dinner. Don't judge guys.
 Finish writing. Do Old World History and Geography. Guys.. My brain does not hold onto these things. You can talk about how much your baby spits up, and I will pay more attention to you and remember EXACTLY what you said than I will if you talk to me about Latitude or the Civil War. I'm not even kidding. It's horrible.
I couldn't point out Asia up until about a month ago if it would save my life. I am THAT bad at Geography and History. 
I just remember the cool stuff about History, and about places.. I know a lot about other countries, just not geographically. Is that so wrong??
5:15 pm: Wake mom up for work. Make some food, for her this time, although I'll probably end up having some. Then I dilly dally around while she's getting ready, do more school reading, science, blah blah... 
6:00 pm: Walk mom out to her car, and say goodnight. Go back inside, get on the computer for a while. Pinterest, Facebook, Email, check out my favorite blog, talk to friend on Facebook Chat about a book I'm writing, stalk my daughters Facebook pictures, weird stuff that's useless, of no importance, but takes forever.
9:00 pm: Watch something on Netflix. Destination Truth, Psych, How I Met Your Mother, etc. Those are my main ones at the moment, since I only watch Doctor Who with mom because I'm a nice daughter... Although I'm thinking about watching it without her since we've been watching longer than six months, and we're only on season two. SHOCKER. If we'd watched one every week, we'd be so far into it... I think.
12:00 pm: Turn the tv and computer off, go to bed, try to sleep. Maybe turn the bedside lamp on and try to read myself to sleep, text my friends, just try to fall asleep.
Repeat.
That's just in KC though... I'm probably going to tell you my Home routine later, maybe not though. It's pretty much just as boring as this one was, right?
Not even my friends follow this blog.. But that's okay. It's more of my wishing, actually. I don't want them to know some of the things I put on here. Not that anything's bad... It's just that maybe I don't want them to see some of these things. Or know when I'm so mad that I listen to my 'war' songs... 
Maybe it's just the thought that someone out there might find this and find a friend in me. Even if I'm this boring.. 
I'm really going to start writing in here more, friend. 
Maybe I'll actually find something interesting or funny to talk about too... I'm funny, I promise. It just seems that when I get on here, life becomes... Dull. Serious.
I'm not sure. Either way, I'll see ya around the bend.

~The Monkey

Late Night Ramblings

Am I the only person who will stay up to an ungodly hour on the internet, justifying it in the oddest ways?
"OH, if I went to bed I wouldn't be able to sleep anyways!"
"It's too scary... I'll just stay up here, next to the broadband internet connection, where SOMEONE COULD FREAKING WATCH ME THROUGH THIS GIANT WINDOW RIGHT HERE THAT HAS NO SHADES. SO much better than safely sleeping in my bedroom, right??"
"Ha, sleeping is for the weak."
"Edgar Allen Poe said that sleep is like little snippets of death."
"Death... Death.. That's an interesting word...Even more interesting thank Snippets. Try saying it over, and over... *Looks over shoulder and shivers*.... Let's go watch Psych on Netflix."
Pretty much the dialogue every night I'm actually at home and not in KC.
Yeah. It's kind of pathetic, I know..
I have a friend, who is mentally challenged. Eighteen, but acts.. More like an eight year old? Anyways. She can't spell worth a crap. Seriously. It's horrible.
I tried tutoring her once, over texting. She loves texting, specifically me (Now is the part where you look at your life, and realize that it could be far, far worse.. Having a mentally ill person text you all the time. Yeah. It's Bloody Hades.). But anyways, tutoring helped for a bit cause I got her REALLY excited whenever she made progress! You know, you have to give treats to make them want to work for it.
Well, after a while, telling her I was proud got old I guess, and she sort of quit listening to me trying to help.
Life sucks.
It goes on.
Anywho, I went to a nice art museum today. Really great. Lots of naked people though. Kind of creepy, but hey, art's art. I'm not gonna judge (too terribly).
So I'm in there, and everybody's all solemn like, trying to 'transcend into a better state of tranquility and peace' when I get this text:
I'm trying to rape some string.
DO YOU HAVE ANY CLUE HOW CONCERNING THAT IS?!?!
Then, I remember, oh yes, this is my mental friend we are talking about here. She must have been spelling wrap, I tell myself.
BUT not after I end up cracking up...
Okay, it wasn't that bad. People weren't even looking at me or anything, but I FELT like they were... You know how that is, I'm sure.
Don't you love it when I talk to people as though ANYONE is actually reading this blog? Yeah. Hardy har har.
Now my brother brought his wife and baby to our house, and it's... Eh, one thirty. Everyone's sleeping, but my bro comes into the kitchen to search for snacks. (Farewell, Burrito Amigo. You had a nice life, you served our freezer well, but now you must serve the tummy, then bowels, then toilet of my brother. It is a loyal cause. I'll see you on the far side, my friend...)
And I need to go to bed.
Have fun.. Sleeping. Since every sane person is probably doing that right now, eh?


~The Monkey

The Truth About Valentine's.

Let's face it.

Let's answer the question once and for all: What is the best thing about Valentine's Day? 

THE DAY AFTER.

A lot of you may be scratching your heads in confusion, yelling at me for hating on the day, or applauding me. 

But before you take out your computer screen in your anger, let's just look at this for a moment..

All the candy in heart shaped obnoxiously red boxes? DISCOUNT.

All the adorable plushy toys? DISCOUNT.

All of the awesome nerdy cards that are only PARTIALLY Valentine's related and could totally be used in the future for an anniversary or birthday or something? DISCOUNT!

And if that's not good enough for you...

All of the stress to get the perfect gift and make your Valentine's date be good, over!

All of the annoying status updates from that girl about her boyfriend she's only known for a week and how awesome he is and how they're going to be together forever?? Okay, maybe not over yet, but at least you get to laugh at her stupidity! 

And if you're single... All of the stress and depression of the previous day should be over, and now you get to stuff your face with all of that cheap candy!! 

It's a win-win situation, all the way. 

~The Monkey